December 2012

Saturday December 29, 2012:

There’s nothing more obnoxious than pulling a comfy brown man out of a warm heated office and then rudely giving him the hand as little Miss Bitch gabs away on her cell phone. As if she’s doing ME a favor. As if her measly $10 fill will get me that 3rd leg I always wanted.

So, after waiting 30 seconds, I walk back inside. Fuck it. 2 minutes later she starts rudely honking her horn. I leisurely finish the last couple spoons of my Frosted Mini Wheats, and then waltz on out to her car.

Rajeev: “Ma’am, in the future, please don’t do that. You’re not above gas attendants. Please exercise some civility. Have a nice day.”

Friday December 28, 2012:

Customer hops over from the 7-Eleven and asks for $2 of gas and pays me in mostly pennies.

Customer: “Sorry man, I forgot my wallet at home. Just want to make sure I have enough to get back.”

Oh well here’s a bloody thought. Perhaps you should NOT have bought the coffee and used that money towards gas. While caffeine addiction is a bitch, so is getting stranded on the road genius….

Friday December 28, 2012:


Would you believe that the guy who tried to screw us out of $20 just rolled in here asking if I can lend him $20 worth of gas?!?!?!?! Sorry if you don’t like cursing, but is he fucken serious with this?!

Customer: “Why not? I had a lot of company over and I forgot.”

Rajeev: “Sir, you said you would be back in an hour and it took you 5 days. And the ONLY reason you came back to pay us is because Singh caught you at Citgo. Sorry. Not happening.”

Thursday December 27, 2012:

Customer: “$6 a gallon?! I remember paying $4 here for kerosene.”

Rajeev: “No you didn’t.”

Customer: “Boy you guys are sure price gouging. To hell you say. I most certainly paid $4 per gallon here just a couple months ago.”

Rajeev: “No you didn’t.”

Customer, now livid that I keep refuting him, screams at me.
“How the fuck would you know?!”

Rajeev: “Cause I fucken own this place and it’s been $6 per gallon here even before I took this place over 8 months ago. You’re welcome to look at my books and the old books to verify. Charging $4 wouldn’t even cover my cost of buying the damn thing. But, if you prefer, you’re more than welcome to go to Home Depot or Lowes and pay $9 to $11 per gallon for K1.”

Customer says nothing.

Rajeev: “Now sir, how many gallons would you like?”

Rajeev 1, Customer 0.

Thursday December 27, 2012:


“Chasing Cheaters, the New Zumba” By Rajeev Narayanan.

Last Friday afternoon, a regular customer of ours comes in asking for $20 worth of regular. Upon filling completion, he discovered that he accidentally left his wallet at home. Okay no worries. We’ve known this guy for a while now. We didn’t bother going through the usual intimidation tactics or demand some sort of collateral. He said he’ll be back in an hour.

Singh closes out the night and this gentleman proved to be a no-show. Over the next few days, we witnessed this clown gun past our station at high speeds to avoid being detected. But oooooh we saw. And now we’re on a mission.

On Christmas Day, Singh noticed him filling up at the Citgo across the way. This station is represented by the red dot on the left picture (Shut up with the Indian jokes). Having no customers here at the time, he sprints down the street and confronts him face to face.

Singh proceeds to tell him (while he’s filling up at the Citgo) that we have him on camera and he will soon be calling the cops. Customer, completely startled, begins to fumble with his words. “Oh I’m so so sorry. I totally forgot. Please don’t call the police. I will be by tomorrow to pay you. I promise.”

Finally, 5 days later, he returns to our mighty Delta and pays his tab.

Singh was so happy that this tactic worked that he bought me breakfast this morning. Pork roll egg and cheese. It was quite delightful….

Tuesday December 25, 2012:

fuel delivery

The next time you overhear a lazy bastard bitch about how immigrants are stealing their jobs, kindly point them to this photo. Take note of the time stamp. 3:16am. THAT’S what time my fuel got delivered last night. Slaving during the overnight between Christmas Eve and Christmas. Working hard pays off. You just have to be willing to work hard….

Monday December 24, 2012:

Customer: “I can’t believe your boss is making you work on Christmas Eve!”

Rajeev: “Yeah, he’s a real jerk.”

Saturday December 22, 2012:

I gotta admit. Stereotypically you wouldn’t think so, but my Confederate Flag frequenters are one of the nicest set of customers I have. Always very cordial. Always using “Please” and “Thank You.” Go figure….

Friday December 21, 2012:

photo (4)

Knowing just how much I adore scotch and goat, Singh just handed me an early Christmas present — homemade goat curry and a bottle of Black Label. Did I ever mention how much I love and appreciate this man? ‘Cause he’s really the Best.Employee.Ever….

Friday December 21, 2012:


As if the heavy rain and wind couldn’t make this morning challenging enough, I had this lovely thing greeting me on the wall as soon as I opened up the bathroom. Suffice it to say, I didn’t need to use the facilities after all. ‘Cause I had already shit my pants….

Thursday December 20, 2012:

cop escort

An officer escorts a woman to the station with a gas can in tow.

Customer: “I ran out of gas down the road. My husband said that I had enough to get to a station. Boy was he wrong!”

Boy is he not getting lucky for the next 2 weeks….

Wednesday December 19, 2012:

photo (3)

So, this came in just a ‘lil while ago. Pulled out of the water in Seaside. Right behind the Sawmill. The driver said that surprisingly, it still works despite all the intake of salt water. JERSEY STRONG BABY!

Wednesday December 19, 2012:

My cost for buying gas is going up, yet retail prices are going down. Happy Holidays to you folks, ’cause clearly this shouldn’t be happening….

Tuesday December 18, 2012:

If I took a shot for every time I had to ask a customer to open up their gas cap, I’d be a raging alcoholic by sunrise….

Tuesday December 18, 2012:

This morning I made the executive decision to open up 15 minutes late so that I can sleep a bit more. I ain’t gonna lie. It was the most riveting decision I’ve made all week….

Monday December 17, 2012:

Rajeev: “Miss, you’re going to have to turn around.”

Customer: “Oh. You mean the tank is not on this side?”

Rajeev: “No. I moved it the last time time you were here.”

Customer: “Oh.” Then she proceeds to flip her car.


Saturday December 15, 2012:

A customer just came in and asked for 75 cents worth of gas. So, I made his day. I gave it to him for free. And you people think I’m an asshole….

Friday December 14, 2012:

I’d like to thank Crazy Joey for volunteering to be in my Instructional Video on how not to drive into a gas station. Ladies & Gentlemen, Boys & Girls, Dogs & Cats: Please take note. Thank you.

Friday December 14, 2012:

“Layers? What layers? We need more layers!” By, A Cold Brown Man.

The greatest waste of time and money is the number of bureaucratic levels that exist in huge corporations. Or in my example, NEW JERSEY NATURAL GAS.

We just had a brand new furnace installed. The gas in this place has been off for oh about 5 years. It takes a week before Crew #1 is sent out. The meter and some pipes needed to be dug out. Literally, something I could have done with a shovel. But, Crew #1 are just the “investigators.” They can’t take our shovel and do the digging. One week goes by.

Crew #2 arrives to dig around the meter and test the pipes. All is well. No issues. No damage. They have the key to turn on the gas. But oooooh no, that’s not their responsibility. They leave.

I just left a voicemail with my rep to send out Crew #3, who will LITERALLY just take the key, and turn on the gas. Mind you, my account is already set up. So, we’re good to go there.

Meanwhile, temps are in the 20s in the mornings and I have to wait what will probably be another week or so. Efficiency at its finest folks….

Friday December 14, 2012:

Dear $2 Customer: Locks on gas caps are only effective if you actually put ‘gas’ in your car. Are you really afraid that someone is going to come and siphon your gas fumes?

Thursday December 13, 2012:

photo (1)

So, Singh found a perfectly good Christmas tree in the garbage behind the station. Like a kid in the candy store folks. Here’s Singh untangling and putting all the pieces together.

The pure joy on his face is what the holidays are all about folks….

Wednesday December 12, 2012:


Oh God please make it stop. The only thing I truly believe in is ham sandwiches. And even then white bread could be a ‘lil suspect.

Dear Customers: Quit handing this stuff to me….

Wednesday December 12, 2012:


Some folks take smoke breaks. Some people take coffee breaks. Over here, we umm challenge each other to a fight to the death….

Monday December 10, 2012:


So, this is what happens when I work 1st shift. I miss out on the Pizza Party. Thanks. Thanks a lot guys. It’s going to be flippin’ priceless when they realize that I’m watching them.

Way to show the pizza who’s boss Dave….

Saturday December 8, 2012:

The only thing worse than blasting your stereo as you vacuum your car is blasting Celine Dion as you vacuum your car. I don’t know what it is, but that woman’s voice makes me want to poke my left eye out with a dull, slightly used plastic fork….

Friday December 7, 2012:

There’s definitely going to be a chapter in my book called “Have a Nice Day.”

You can really read a person by how they respond to that kind gesture. Do they graciously say “Thank you, you too?” Do they grunt? Do they look you in the eye? Do they even respond at all?!

It’s truly remarkable how classless some of my customers are. And these same lowlifes are the ones with the biggest egos. Go figure….

No matter what kind of environment you were brought up in, I always thought courtesy was common sense. Clearly, I was wrong. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I got here on my own free will. Still, I can’t help but tense up when I get disrespected for no apparent reason.

Do you want to know which type that seriously pisses me off? The ones that will look at me, but then won’t respond. The arrogance dripping from their trashy face. Ahhh. Gotta love it….

Thursday December 6, 2012:

photo (5)

“Rajeev vs. The Milk That Froze In The Refrigerator.”

We’ll see who wins when we hit cereal time in an hour or so.
To be continued….

Tuesday December 4, 2012:

Dear Sir: I’m guessing that if you spent a ‘lil less time smoking that blunt while driving and a ‘lil more time concentrating at the task at hand, you would have been able to successfully pull up to the pump the first time. But, then again what the hell do I know? I’m just a guy who prefers his sandwiches cut in rectangles, not triangles….

Tuesday December 4, 2012:

‎”Pardon me, but there’s a fly in your head.”

I would LOVE to get inside the brain of some of my customers. The number of people who roll in here and spend tens of seconds to decide how much they want is astronomical.

Customer drives in. He pulls out a huge wad of cash from his pocket. $1s, $5s, $10, $20s. He stares at the cash, then stares at the fuel gauge. He stares at the cash, then stares at the fuel gauge. This went on for a good 30 seconds. Finally, he made an executive decision. “$13.”


Monday December 3, 2012:

So umm apparently one of our customers yesterday stole our window wiper. If you happen to see someone driving with exceptionally clean glass, can you be a doll and punch them in the jugular? Thanks. Love ya lots….

Monday December 3, 2012:

Indian customer pulls in and starts speaking to me in Hindi.

Rajeev: “Sorry Sir, but I only speak English.”

Customer, with complete disgust in his face, “$20.”

What the hell is up with this guy?! Does he even flippin’ know where he is? He’s in the United States of America damn it!! …..We speak Spanish!!

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