February 2015

Friday February 20, 2015:
“Positives and Negatives.”

Some folks say that all it takes is one negative to ruin their day.

I subscribe to the opposite way of thinking. All it takes is one positive to brighten my day.

Wind chills were -20 when I started this morning. After a while, the cold actually made me light-headed. It’s a challenging work day for sure.

By 9:30am, I had already experienced my fair share of crazies. One guy actually yelled at me because he was late for work and felt I was moving too slow. I would have loved to hustle, but at that particular moment I couldn’t feel my feet.

But, then this happened. A short time ago, a gentleman pulled in and asked for $40 worth of gas. His car was full at $33. He hands me two 20s and takes off. I run after him.

“Wait wait! Your car only took $33. I owe you 7.”

“Wow. Thanks for being honest. I would have never known.”

“It’s the only way to live Sir.”

The customer hands me back the $7 and says “That’s for being honest. Have a good day.”

Hell yeah. That totally made my morning….

Friday February 20, 2015:
Heating Tips From Your Neighborly Gas Attendant:

1. Fill an old coffee cup with water. Microwave it until it gets real hot. Place hands around cup and thaw yourself out. You can also slap the cup against your nose and face. Repeat as necessary.

2. Place your hands underneath a laptop that has been open for a while. The heat coming off the computer will feel amazing.

3. Jump up and down and cry. The energy expelled from your tantrum will create some warmth.

Okay bye….

Thursday February 12, 2015:
“Karma. It can burn. Literally.”

All of a sudden, 4 cars come in at once. I walk up to the first.

“$7.69 cash.”

“Sorry. I can’t set the pump to cents. It has to be on the dollar. I can give you $7.”

“Well, then just hold the fucking thing.”

“Sorry man, but I have to get these other 3 cars.”

“Whatever. Fucking douchebag.”

I set the other 3 cars and finish this guy up.

He then guns it outta here, hits a pothole in our parking lot, and spills coffee on his lap.

I look up to the sky and I see Karma smiling. He has that “That one’s for you” look to him.

He then drops the mic and walks off stage….

Wednesday February 11, 2015:
A woman pulls up to the air machine as I was tending to other cars. Some time later she walks over to the pumps and begins her tirade.

“You owe me 75 cents!”

“Is there a problem with the machine Miss?”

“Yeah, it’s not working. I put in 75 cents.”

“Miss, the air machine costs $1.00 as noted on top.”

“A dollar?! I’m not paying that. It shouldn’t be anymore than 75 cents. Hell, it should be free. It’s air! Now give me my money.”

“I’m sorry Miss, but I can’t do that. There’s no physical way to retrieve your money out of the machine. You’re going to have to put in one more quarter and just get air. I can help you fill your tire when I’m done with these cars.”

She storms back towards her car mumbling something or another. I couldn’t make it out.

Then, the customer whose car I was filling goes:

“What the fuck does she think this is, Priceline.com? You can’t just name your own price.”

Then he starts singing the commercial. “Priceline Negotiator!”

Holy shit I almost pissed myself. That totally made my morning….

Monday February 9, 2015:
A couple pull in arguing about who is going to pay for the gas.

Man: “I paid last time, you get this.”

Woman: “I did that thing you liked and I hated it. No way.”

I’m sure that “thing” was “watching sports.”

Yeah. Umm. Definitely sports….

Wednesday February 4, 2015:
Just when I thought I’ve seen and heard everything in the 3 years I’ve been running this station:

“Do you have Shingles?”

“No.”

“Okay good. $15 regular please.”

What — The Fuck?!

Tuesday February 3, 2015:
We’ll just declare this to be the creepiest thing that has ever happened here.

Customer pulls in for a fill.

“Is she dead? Is she dead? I don’t know. I don’t think so. Is she dead? Is she dead? I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

And he kept on saying that as he stared aimlessly into his windshield. At first I thought he was talking to a passenger or on his cell phone. Nope. No passenger, no cell phone.

Freaked Out Level a little high today….

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