January 2013

Thursday January 31, 2013:

I’m taking tomorrow off and working on Sunday instead. That way, I can sleep in, get some things done, and then be well rested for my show tomorrow night.

I asked the boss. He said it was okay. Not only is he fair, he’s also one sexy bitch. Dear Lord….

Thursday January 31, 2013:


Will genius woman in a completely unnecessarily large SUV scrape the guardrail when she pulls out? To be continued….

Unfortunately the angel on my shoulder told her to pay attention when she puts the beast in drive, otherwise she would have had some lovely white paint on her gray truck.

If you can’t maneuver an SUV and properly pull up to the pump when the station is COMPLETELY EMPTY AT THAT MOMENT, then you shouldn’t be allowed to own one….

Thursday January 31, 2013:

Numbers Blowing

It’s amazing how fast the first hour flew by when you go on a scavenger hunt in the heavy rain and wind to find all your numbers that blew off during the overnight.

Oh that? That’s me walking back with one of the pump sign holders. Even though it’s locked onto the pumps, it still blew out that far. Of course none of the numbers were on the thing. Why would they?! That would be too easy and somebody needs to give Staples a run for their money….

Wednesday January 30, 2013:

There are “3 Types of Cheaters” that frequent this lovely establishment.

1. The ‘Taking Advantagers’
2. The ‘I Wasn’t Planning To Have a Free Lunch, But What The Hell?!’
3. The ‘Let’s Just Lie and Scam This Place!’

1. This is the Line Of Creditors Group. I used to give out loans to some of my regulars. I had a “One Strike and You’re Out” Policy. You bring me the money within 24 hours and we won’t have an issue. Do you know how many of these I have left? 0. Do you know many of them still continue to get gas here? 1. That’s right. They ruined a good thing and took full advantage of my kindness. One guy took 2 weeks once to finally pay! Apparently, I was only good enough just as long as I give them an interest free ‘deadline’ free loan.

2. This group of folks didn’t wake up planning on slighting my gas station. They are just that stupid and irresponsible with their money. But, since I let them leave the station without paying, that little Devil on their shoulder told them to never return. There’s a number of people out there that used to be regulars that I haven’t seen since the day of their “incident.” Mostly from my first 2 months when I was still wet behind the ears.

3. This group of folks are the flat out thieves who plot ways to cheat me. “Why did you put in $20?! I only said $10! And I’m only paying that much!” Oh yeah. You’ll be surprised how many times this happens.

Will the “Lady In Question” become the latest inductee to Group #2 (See Post Below)?

We shall see….

Wednesday January 30, 2013:


“People Suck, and I’m The Jerkoff Who Feels Bad!” By Rajidiot Narayanan.

Yesterday morning, around 9:20am, a regular customer of mine pulls in. Pleasant woman. Probably in her upper 40s. Haven’t really gotten into any deep conversations with her, but she comes in at least once a week since I’ve started here. Gets $20 worth and pays cash every time. Well, except for yesterday.

I set her car for 20, I run in to swipe the card. No money in the account. I walk back to her lovely silver minivan. She hands me another card. I waltz back in. No go. This went on for 2 more times. Finally, she gets on the phone with Chase Bank to see what the hell is up. After 5 minutes, she says it should be all good and that she’s hopping across to the 7-Eleven where she will use the ATM to get me my 20 bucks. Okay fine.

A couple minutes later, she swings back. By now, a good 12 minutes had passed since she first pulled into the station. The ATM wouldn’t allow her to withdraw. So, she says that she will go to Chase Bank directly and be back. “Don’t worry, you know me. I live around the corner. See you soon.”

Folks, I know where the closest Chase Bank is. It’s only 2 miles away. I’ve been there a couple times to do some banking work for Singh. Almost 24 hours later, she has not shown back up.

I took the usual precautions. As you see, I have her car on camera. And I took a picture of her license plate with my iPhone. So, here’s the dilemma.

I don’t ‘want’ to call the cops on this woman. I’ll lose her as a regular customer immediately. At the same time, what gives her the right to cheat me?! I just do not understand how people can sleep at night knowing that they have slighted someone.

At the very least, since she lives “around the corner,” she could have stopped in and given me a progress report. “Hey listen. I know I owe you $20. I’ll bring it tomorrow.” Something like that.

I’m thinking I’ll hold off for one more day before escalating this. I’m a nice guy, but I’m not in the business of giving away free gas.

Just another example of what a business owner mentally goes through on a pretty regular basis….

Tuesday January 29, 2013:

Singh didn’t sleep much last night and had a headache when he walked in just a little while ago. Customer happen to have sample packs of Advil.

Singh: “It’s okay to take both tablets, right?”

Rajeev: “Yeah no problem.” I head towards the bathroom. Something didn’t sit with me right. I run back. Did I see blue lettering on that packet? Now, picture a slow motion scene of a movie.

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Spit it out spit it out!”

Folks? It was Advil “PM.” Holy crap, I would have had one Sleeping Singh on my hands.

Crisis averted….

Tuesday January 29, 2013:

“At the End of the Day, It’s All Smoke and Mirrors.” By, Your Neighborly Gas Attendant.

Customer pulls in earlier this morning.

“How is it here? I don’t know if I trust this place or Delta Gas.”

Rajeev: “Well, it’s a little on the sweeter side, but if you like white chocolate, you’ll dig it.”

After the customer gives me a “Ha ha you’re an asshole” chuckle, I walk inside and present him with my Bill of Lading. I got a delivery last night (Gas continues to go up by the way). What you see attached is an older one, but it’s the same thing.

Yes, I’ve mentioned this before, but perhaps a visual will help convert some of you remaining skeptics.

Do you see what it says in the orange box I highlighted?


Do you see where it landed up?

“Customer Name: DELTA”
“Destination: TOMS RIVER”

Notice that the BOL Number on both receipts match.

That’s right kids. There’s no such thing as “Delta Gas.” We all pump basically the same government certified gasoline. Depending on the brand, an additive may be different here or there. Ultimately, when you compare octane to octane, it’s the same shit.

Don’t be taken in by fancy TV commercials, billboards, or its glistening appearance. Sure, this place needs about 500 coats of paint and some updated pumps, but you’re not gaining anything by going to the others.

So, unless you have some unhealthy aversion towards BP, Hess, Sunoco, or Phillips 66 (the brands I get delivered here), come ooooon down and fill ‘er up!

Class dismissed….

Monday January 28, 2013:



Saturday January 26, 2013:

photo (5)

Hey y’all. I want you to meet my buddy Max. His owner is a regular here. Max is a ‘lil sad right now. He just got a flu shot….

Saturday January 26, 2013:


“Caffeinated Confidant” by Raj Narayanan.

A gentleman drives in and signals Singh to come over.

“Listen, I don’t need gas right now, but you guys have been working real hard in this cold. Here’s a hot cup of coffee. Enjoy!”

Neither one of us ever drink that much coffee in one sitting, so we decide to split it. Nice to know that in a world full of irrationality, good folks still exist….

Saturday January 26, 2013:

A regular customer of mine is on his way to Jackson for some deer hunting. I think I just convinced him to bring me some venison sausages when he cooks them up in a few days. I hope he was serious. Cross your antlers folks….

Friday January 25, 2013:


“Blistering Cold Bigotry” By Subpar Employee Narayanan (Apparently).

Woman drives in and stops at the front pump. I walk (like an Egyptian) to her car. Within 6 SECONDS she’s practically out of the station. I yell “Ma’am I’m right here!”

She replies “You should be waiting in the booth. Do your job right or get out of my country!”

“The wind chill is fricken 0!” But, I don’t think she heard that. She was already pulling into Citgo.

No worries though. Racism costs money. Citgo is 3 cents higher….

Friday January 25, 2013:


“Brats Deserve Bitch Slaps” By Who Needs Toes Narayanan.

Customer pulls up and plops her minivan at the back pump. So, I signal the driver to move up. Sitting in the backseat is this woman’s snotty ass teenage daughter. This “lady” gives me such a disgusted look, then spews out “Does it fucken matter?!”

Rajeev: “Well actually Miss it does. You see that behind you? That’s a tow truck. It needs to come in and drop off a car. More importantly, it needs to get off the road so that it doesn’t block any traffic.”

The mother looks at me and gives me that “Thank you for setting my daughter straight” look.

Dear Parents: I’m available for hire. – Love, Rajeev.

Friday January 25, 2013:


So Dave and I see this awesome dog come up to the 7-Eleven. Afraid it will get hit by a car, I leave the station and run across the street while Dave brings over his truck. I grab him and he pulls ‘me’ to the pickup. Built like a rock this one. Very happily the dog jumps in. A customer calls the cops who then calls the owner to come grab his dog. Crisis aborted.

No dog can resist the Rajeev Universal Ear Rub. No Dog….

Friday January 25, 2013:

Customer pulls in asking for $5 worth of regular.

Rajeev: “Thanks man. Have a good day.”

Customer: “I’m a woman!”

Rajeev: “Oh wow. I’m so sorry Ma’am.”

I felt so bad that I gave ‘her’ a dollar tip. And by dollar I actually mean an unintentional 4 cents since the pump ran over.

Looks like ‘somebody’ needs a visit from the Mach 3 Fairy….

Thursday January 24, 2013:

Determination: Packing on the clothing to combat another early morning of single digit temperatures.

Defeat: Trying to work through 6 layers of clothing to scratch that bloody itch….

Thursday January 24, 2013:

Morning rush2

Good morning for business. Bad morning for toes. Umm, good morning for Zombie walking….

Wednesday January 23, 2013:


We’re a self service gas station state, right?

Tuesday January 22, 2013:

Dear Ladies,

While it will cost you $1 to fill air here, we will always be more than happy to do it for you. Free of charge with no expectation of a tip. However, not every gas attendant is as personable as Singh and I. I suggest you really learn this easy and highly essential life skill. It’s in your own best interest.

Sincerely, Best, Love Always, Your BFF,


Tuesday January 22, 2013:

Rudeness: n. Being the third guy to drive in here knowing wind chill is near 0, NOT get gas, ask the attendant to clean his windshield for him, and NOT say Thank You or offer a dollar tip.

I would have said something, but my sarcasm froze as it was spewing out of my mouth….

Tuesday January 22, 2013:


Dear Fingers: Nice knowing ya. Love, Rajeev.

Monday January 21, 2013:

Customer pulls in and gets $10 worth of gas. As I’m filling he looks at the air pump and inquires about it.

“I don’t have to pay for that air, right?”

Rajeev: “Actually it’s a dollar. I got quarters inside if you need them.”

Customer: “A dollar?! What is the fucken air imported? That’s ridiculous!”

Folks, let me give you some background. I don’t actually own the air and vacuum machines here. It’s placed on our property by a third party vendor who then splits the profits 50/50 with me. I have no control over the price. He handles that as well as any maintenance.

But, I ask ya. Straight up. How many gas stations do you know of that gives you air for free? Out of all the ones I’ve been to in my entire life, it’s usually 75 cents to 1 dollar. Regardless, he didn’t have so be so obnoxious about it. It’s Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!

Saturday January 19, 2013:

CLASS IS NOW IN SESSION: Most of this is a copy & paste. I made this comment on an earlier thread. But, I feel it deserves its own post.

Why do I charge 10 cents more for Credit? Why will I never be the cheapest gas station around? Please read on….

So many factors to consider:

1. What is the monthly volume for the gas station?
2. How many gas stations does the owner operate?
3. How much is their credit card company taking out per swipe transaction?

No matter what, credit card processing companies take a fee per transaction. Now, if you are a big brand name guy with all the marketing behind you and own multiple stations, you can afford to eat that cost because you make up the profit in volume.

Now, enter the mighty Delta Gas Station. This is my only operation. My only source of income. It’s a fixer upper which was poorly managed for a number of years. In terms of volume, every other station known to man can sneeze and move more gallons than I can. My first business. Huge loan to pay back. HUGE overhead like you wouldn’t believe. It’s very expensive to own and operate a gas station. Can I afford at this time to eat that credit card processing cost? Sure. If I want to go out of business by next week.

It’s also the reason why I will never be the cheapest gas station out there. If you own a number of operations, you can lower your price and make less profit per gallon. Again, you can make that up in volume.

Gas stations are no different than any other industry. We’re not a non-profit organization. We like to earn paychecks. I will never price gouge, but at the same time I’m not a charity organization.

Class dismissed….

Saturday January 19, 2013:


So, a cop was hanging out at the station when I arrived early this morning. I think I should get a percentage for every bust/speeding ticket for use of the property. Don’t you?

Saturday January 19, 2013:


So, Singh has just returned from his 24 hour voyage in the Big Apple. Spent some time with a friend who had just come back from India. And in the true spirit of Life, Singh had asked this gentleman to bring back a gift. 2 shawls for the 2 women who have to put up with me — The Wife, and The Mother (Well, one of them voluntarily accepted the challenge). But, anyways….

Shivani Narayanan and Kanthi Narayanan, you guys can duke it out to decide who gets first pick.

Singh For President….

Saturday January 19, 2013:

Quite self-explanatory really. Lady pulls up on the wrong side. Then loses her mind ’cause she has no idea what to do. So, using hand gestures, I rescue this poor child. Well, I shouldn’t say child. She was a grown ass woman.

Saturday January 19, 2013:

Customer comes in wanting a propane tank filled. We engage in some small talk.

“Hope you’re dressing in layers Daddy. It’s cold out here. But, we shouldn’t complain Daddy. I feel so bad for a lot of people. Especially children Daddy. I cry when I see them suffer Daddy. I don’t make a lot of money, but I donate $1,000 a year. It’s the least I can do. I believe in the Lord. Thank you so much. Keep smiling Daddy.”

Nice guy. But, I gotta say folks. I’m a ‘lil creeped out by his excessive use of the word Daddy….

Friday January 18, 2013:

Customer: “Is debit the same as cash price here?”

Rajeev: “No Sir. It’s treated as a credit transaction.”

Customer: “Well, how much is that?”

(I guess he didn’t notice the ginormous big illuminated yellow sign in front of him).

Rajeev: “10 cents more. How much do you want?”

Customer: “$10. Do you know if this is the same for Citgo?”

Rajeev: “I’m not sure Sir. You can try.”

He takes off and goes across the way. Looks like Citgo has the same policy ’cause he immediately left there without gas.

What are we talking about folks, a difference of a flippin’ penny? You see? You see this guy right there? He’s going places….

Tuesday January 15, 2013:

Customer: “Hey you were the guy who filled my tank yesterday, right?”

Rajeev: “I don’t think so. What time did you come in?”

Customer: “4:00pm.”

Rajeev: “Nah, wasn’t me. That was Singh.”

Customer: “Well, you guys are kinda similar you know….”

Rajeev: “No I don’t know! What the hell man?! Are you saying all brown people look the same?!!!”

Customer starts fumbling with his words.
“Umm errr. No no I I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry sorry.”

Rajeev: “Dude, relax. I’m just messing with ya.”

After customer finishes laughing, he gives me a dollar tip for my ‘lil shenanigan.

Great success!

Monday January 14, 2013:

A gentleman asks for $30 of Regular and pays me with a twenty and ten ones. So, I begin counting.

Customer, with a cynical chuckle: “What, you don’t believe me? Isn’t the pot calling the kettle black?!”

Rajeev: “Just standard procedure Sir. And look. You gave me an extra dollar by accident. Here you go. Have a nice day.”

Look on his face? P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S.

Saturday January 13, 2013:

Dear Sir: If your SUV is severely overheating and it looks like it’s going to blow, can you NOT pull into a GAS station next time? Thanks. Love ya lots….

Saturday January 13, 2013:

Oh so remember Singh’s cell phone ringer that was driving me bananas? Well, looks like I’m the jerkoff here. Apparently it’s a religious devotional song and the lyric that was repeated over and over and over is the name of his guru.

But, I just reprimanded Singh for the 3rd time for wasting too much paper when reloading the credit card machine. So, I guess it all evens out in the end….

Friday January 11, 2013:


So, ummm, hmmm. Apparently when I leave the station and the sun goes down, Singh turns into Batman….

Friday January 11, 2013:

“Always Do A Daily Credit Card Check” By, A Concerned Citizen.

Customer came in here yesterday and paid with her Amex card. It accidentally fell out of her car and she took off. Singh handled the transaction and we kept the card inside. More than 24 hours later, she still has not shown up or given us a call.

So, I just called American Express myself and had them cancel her card. And I requested that they call her to let her know.

Folks, I don’t care if you don’t use your cards on a daily basis. ALWAYS do a wallet check before you go to bed. I’m actually quite surprised that she hasn’t noticed yet….

Friday January 11, 2013:


“The $10 Needler” By Rajeev Singh.

Customer drives up in a small SUV and asks Singh to fill $10 worth. No other cars on the bay at the moment. He fills, restores the nozzle, and asks for payment.

Customer: “You did not fill $10 worth. My needle did not move. I’m not paying you. You’re cheating me!”

Singh: “Madam, look at the pump. It says $10. 3 gallons went in.”

Customer wouldn’t hear of it so Singh calls me out.

Rajeev: “Ma’am, we’re not in the business of cheating our customers. Gas was dispensed into your car.”

Customer: “It absolutely was not. I don’t need this shit. I didn’t hear gas coming out of the hose. Call South Toms River police. I don’t need this shit!”

Rajeev: “You didn’t hear the gas flow because there’s cars going by plus your engine is running. You’re more than welcome to call the cops if you want. I don’t need to call. We didn’t do anything wrong. And just to be sure, let me walk inside and check the surveillance. I’ll be right back.”

And there he is. My pride employee dispensing fuel as requested. So, I walk back out.

Rajeev: “Singh most definitely gave you fuel Ma’am. It’s all right there on camera.”

“Oh I see my needle is moving now.” says the customer as she finally hands us cash.

Rajeev: “Great. In the future, please don’t accuse us of something we didn’t do. Especially if all the facts have not been gathered yet. We don’t cheat our customers.”

Customer: “Don’t cop an attitude with me! That’s not what I hear about this fucken place.”

Rajeev: “Well, I’m the owner Ma’am and it’s funny. Because from what I hear it’s people like you who try to cheat us.”

Customer: “I’m going to Wawa from now on.”

Rajeev: “Wonderful.”

And Rajeev and Singh lived happily ever after….

Wednesday January 9, 2013:

Much love to Robyn Lane at WRAT 95.9FM for giving me a Birthday Shout Out on the air!

Wednesday January 9, 2013:

So, after 9 months of owning this place, after putting in 9 months of blood sweat and tears of constantly updating MY OWN prices, GasBuddy.Com ‘finally’ promoted me to elite status where I can now upload an updated photo of my station.

*Sigh. I have arrived….

Tuesday January 8, 2013:

Attention folks with actual songs as their ringtones: Doesn’t that drive you fricken nuts?! Singh has this one Hindi tune where one line is repeated over and over and over and over. And after 9 months of constantly listening to this insanity, I’m about to make it company policy to place all cell phones on vibrate….

Tuesday January 8, 2013:

If your rims are worth more than your entire car, why don’t you step into my office and we’ll talk priorities over tea and crumpets.

*No Asian or Hispanic was harmed during the making of this status update.*

Tuesday January 8, 2013:

Customer: “$8.65 credit please.”

While I always bitch about customers who don’t have the slightest clue as to how much is in their accounts, this one right here? Oh she’s going places….

Monday January 7, 2013:

A woman pulls in, and sees her friend across the street at the 7-Eleven.

Customer: “Tasha! Hey Tasha! Hey girlfriend! How you doing?”

All nice and jovial. Smiling from end to end. Gleaming with happiness.

Rajeev: “Thank you Ma’am. Have a nice day.”

Customer gives me a weird look and just grunts.

Dear Lord: Please grant me this one wish. I just want her to experience painful explosive diarrhea on her way to work. I don’t ask for much. Many thanks….

Saturday January 5, 2013:


“The Bathroom Nazi” By Raj and Singh.

Both Singh and I witness this woman fill up at the Citgo across the way ‘then’ come up the road and pull into here. She approaches Singh first.

“Sorry Madam it’s for customers only.”

Citgo Customer: “What do you mean? I want to use your bathroom.” This was followed by some sort of cursing by this lovely female which I couldn’t make out clearly through the glass. “Go talk to my boss.” says Singh.

So, the woman steps inside.

Citgo Customer: “Where’s the key to the bathroom? That guy out there said some nonsense about how I can’t use it.”

Rajeev: “Oh he’s quite right Ma’am. It’s not a public restroom. It’s for customers only. And since we see you fill up at Citgo all the time, I’m afraid you will have to go there.”

She storms out muttering “Jesus H Mary Christ.”

Singh walks inside and we both rejoice rather sadistically. Ahh. Just another Saturday afternoon in beautiful South Toms River….

Saturday January 5, 2013:

Customer pulls in all “bad ass” and like. I think the kids call them “Wiggers” these days. Anyways, apparently he didn’t see me on the other side of the pump.

“Yo, this bitch better come out here quick and fill my tank. Shit.”

So, I startled the poor sap, hopped across, and said “Yo. The bitch has arrived. How much gas would you like?”

“$10.” Aaand that was the last thing that came out of his mouth….

Friday January 4, 2013:


“800 Me? 800 You!” By, Rajeev Narayanan.

Oooh the irresponsibility. Customer in a blue car pulls in and asks if I can check to see if she has any money in her account, starting with $20 and going down in increments of 5. There was only 1 other car on the bay, so I entertained her asinine request. As noted by the orange square, she had absolutely nothing in there. Those are denied slips from my credit card machine.

Look folks. We all have financial issues at some level. I’ll admit that I carelessly landed in credit card debt back in the day. But, do you know what? I knew EXACTLY how much that debt was. And on command I can tell you what’s in my accounts and how much I currently owe.

Even if you don’t have a computer. Even if you don’t have a smart phone. There is an 800 number on the back of your card to find out your account balance. You can even stop at your nearest ATM and find out such information.

Some folks should not be allowed to reproduce for risk of having degenerate children of dumbass proportions….

Friday January 4, 2013:

Car Charger

“You’re So Demented, You Can’t Even Steal Right!” By, A Finger Frozen Brown Man.

2 days ago, a young lady in a small SUV arrives all stuffed up and with a sobbing story on how she forgot her wallet at home and she needs just $2 of gas to make it back. I ask her if she will return. She says yes, unplugs her phone, and gives me her car charger as collateral. “I’ll be back in a bit.” says the customer. She hasn’t graced us with her presence since.

Boys & Girls, let’s now do the math shall we? $2 of gas. USB car charger which cost more than $2. Yes I am well aware that Amazon.Com sells this kind of stuff for pennies sometimes, but this one is way too stupid to figure that out. So, now she’s going to have to spend more money to replace this lovely wire that I now own.

Ahh the youth of today….

Thursday January 3, 2013:

Singh: “Sir, what is this whore?”

Rajeev: “It means a prostitute. A hooker.” Trying to hold my composure ’cause I’m beyond in hysterics at this point, “Why, what happened?”

Singh: “Ooooooh. This customer wanted to borrow $5 of gas and I said no. He called me a whore.”

Sometimes I forget that he’s only been in this country for a couple years and hasn’t picked up everything that is English yet. Classic….

Thursday January 3, 2013:

Dear Miserable Bastards: Stop taking your miserableness out on me. I’m not the reason why you have a miserable life. – Love, Rajeev.

P.S. Miserable.

The look of sheer disgust on this woman’s face when I asked her to move up because the hose won’t reach her completely unnecessary Suburban was actually quite amusing. That look was followed by muttering curse words under her breath. Something to the effect of “Fuck this place. Get a real job. Etc Etc.”

Wednesday January 2, 2013:

Top 10 Things Gas Attendants Get Blamed For, #4: “Wind.”

You know, auto manufacturers really ought to stop attaching gas caps to the lid, especially if they don’t provide a holder. The slightest bit of wind and it will make the cap bang against the car. And naturally, the gas attendant gets reprimanded for that. So not cool….

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