January 2014

Friday January 24, 2014:

Oh hey kids!

Need air in your tires?

Did you throw in quarters just to find out that it’s not working?

Do you dream about yelling at poor innocent gas attendants while eating McDonald’s hamburgers on a negative wind chill MORNING?!

Well, here’s Foxy Brown Narayanan with a little tip for ya. Many air pumps have this little tidbit of info printed right on it. In case the one at your local station does not, kindly read on.

*Insert air gauge in your exhaust pipe while your engine is running. In a few minutes, it will warm up the sucker and will dispense air amicably.*

Have a nice day y’all!

Thursday January 23, 2014:
And so it begins.

“Cold enough for ya?”

Nah. I rather enjoy my outie becoming an innie. Impromptu sex changes are bloody smashing.


Thursday January 23, 2014:

Do we have any King Arthurs among us?

Free sword for anyone who’s successful. And by “sword” I obviously mean “pre-owned windshield squeegee.”

Tuesday January 21, 2014:

“The Infamous Mr. Singh.” None of you will ever have an employee like this.

So, I just checked in with the guy.

I had told my pal to close whenever he wanted. After all, we ‘are’ in a State of Emergency. He’s well aware that no matter when he shuts down, he will get paid just the same. Even though on the books he’s an hourly employee, in reality I treat him like a salaried one.

Citgo closed at 5pm. Singh scoffed at that. Psssht. Amateurs. Knowing that business has been down since mid November, he voluntarily chose to hang on. So, what happened? We got all the panic stricken Citgo customers that normally would not have come to us. PR. Nothing but good PR here.

We’re also in the good graces of some plowing companies. As the screen shot shows, we were a Godsend to these guys as they cleared the roads. No other station in the area remained opened this late. Crossing 9:15pm, we’re one of the only ones.


Here’s where I’m going with this. Far too many immigrants get a bad rap. Heavy accents. Subjected to harsh stereotypes and abuse. You name it.

Mr. Singh is just so grateful to be in this country, that he’s will to go way beyond his job description as a gas attendant.

His work ethic is absolutely astonishing. And I’M utterly grateful to have him on my side….

Tuesday January 21, 2014:

*Now throw your hands in the air. And wave ’em like you just don’t care.*

Aaaand that’s exactly what I did at the end of this 15 second clip.

A woman drives in. She has a rather annoyed tone to her. Big sigh.

“Is credit really 10 cents more per gallon?”


“No. Uh Uh. No.” She pulls away.

Apparently all the huge lovely signs we have around here are for mere shits and giggles and clearly subject to interpretation. Silly me.

*And if you like fish and grits and all that pimp shit then everybody say O-Yea-yer.*

Sunday January 19, 2014:
There’s just something utterly hilarious about a thuggy guy blasting “Nigga this and Nigga that” and then handing me a Care Bears debit card….

Monday January 13, 2014:

Ladies, this one’s for you.

Now, I know I give you guys a hard time. In my defense, the majority of the “smart” drivers that come through here are of the female kind. Today however? Not one of those days.

A lady pulls in and tries to approach the front pump. A gentleman rashly comes in after her and we almost have a head on collision. Rudely, the guy signals the woman to move. She doesn’t respond. He mutters something obnoxious under his breath and gets out of the way. Daintily, she moves up.

After tending to her, I approach him and inform the gentleman that he’s pulled up to the wrong side of the pump!

Once again, he hits speeds you shouldn’t be hitting in a gas station and swings around. I finish off the lady’s fill and approach the window.

“That guy is an asshole. And look he’s STILL on the wrong side!”

He overhears that, curses himself off, and finally flips around.

Ladies, I salute you. This round goes to you….

Wednesday January 8, 2014:
“$10 regular. No make that premium. I’m in a hurry. I need to get to work quick.”

“Sorry, but we only have regular and diesel here.”

“Damn. Okay fine. Regular it is.”

Apparently, putting in $10 of high test instead of regular into a Ford Taurus = instant Fast and the Furious. Obviously….

Tuesday January 7, 2014:


A gas attendant’s worst nightmare. Yes, as the consumer you are definitely entitled to pay with it. However, you are not entitled to just throw it in my hand and drive away. Furthermore, you are certainly not entitled to cop me an attitude when I tell you that you can’t leave until every cent is accounted for.

If you are in a rush and you plan on paying with coins, leave 5 minutes earlier.

A customer pulls up and asks for $6 of gas. Dumps a whole bunch of silver deliciousness on me.

“Hang on man. You have to count that in front of me.”

“It’s all there.”

“Doesn’t matter. I have to see.”

Annoyed, he begins to recount in front of me. As it turns out, he was about 80 cents ‘over.’

“See that man? You would have overpaid. Have a nice day now.”

Rajeev 1. Customer 1. Customer’s Attitude? -5.

Tuesday January 7, 2014:
DVD Player

“Yo man, you want to buy a brand new Blu-Ray player?”

“Nah I’m good. You need gas?”

“Of course I fucken need gas. Why do you think I’m trying to sell these?!”

And then he peels out.

I think I should change the sign from “Delta Gas & Diesel” to “Delta Gas & Barter.”

Tuesday January 7, 2014:

With wind chills somewhere around -20° F, this pretty much sums up how I feel right about now….

Monday January 6, 2014:

Some folks give us $1 tips. Some folks bake us cookies. Some folks don’t tip at all.

While others? Well, they give us an 8oz Coors Light can….

Monday January 6, 2014:
Everyone has a back story. I just wish that it wasn’t rude to ask.

I used to have this regular customer. Would fill up $19 and tip me $1 for letting him use our bathroom. Real nice gentleman. He then went and got himself a new car that required premium fuel (we only sell regular and diesel here).

Still, he would stop in here ‘just’ to use the bathroom. It appears that he has some sort of medical condition, so I don’t make a big stink about it. Even though I keep refusing, he keeps on tipping me each and every time.

Just a little while ago he drove in. Like clockwork, I run and unlock the bathroom for him, then go back to the pumps. 5 minutes later he comes out holding two 5s.

$10 to use our lovely facilities?! I tried to give it back, but he just wouldn’t hear of it.

You genuinely meet all walks of life working at this station….

Saturday January 4, 2014:
Temps are so cold that folks are coming out in droves to buy kerosene.

Temps are so cold that the kerosene pump is frozen solid and won’t turn on.

Who gave Mother Nature a bloody sense of humor?!

Saturday January 4, 2014:
Dumbest Conversation of The Morning By Far:

“I thought it would feel worse, but it’s really not that bad out here.”

“How long have you been outside?”

“Oh maybe 30 seconds. Just had to walk from my house to my car.”


Saturday January 4, 2014:
photo (2)

“I’m am very happy to be here!” – Prince Akeem

Thursday January 2, 2014:

Ladies, this is why we can’t have nice things!

You’re such beautiful creatures, but some of you should have to pay a “Fucken Idiot” tax. Pleas stop driving SUVs. There’s a lovely array of station wagons out there just waiting for you.

7:15am. The video is pretty self-explanatory. At one point I just said to hell with this and walked inside to warm up while little miss sunshine figured out how to maneuver her car.

WARNING! This will be the most painful 2:50 of your life….

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