June 2012

    Saturday June 30, 2012:

Customer pulls in with a Ford F-350 XLT Super Duty. “Only $3 please. I gotta buy cigarettes.” –> Well, at least he has his priorities straight….

    Saturday June 30, 2012:

Would you let me pump your gas? I totally wouldn’t….

    Friday June 29, 2012:

Top 10 Ways To Make Your Neighborly Gas Attendant Extremely Uncomfortable, #4: Have ‘this’ conversation with your crying son as he fills your tank: “Shut the hell up! You better fucken pipe down! This is why you get beat up all the time! I ain’t going to ask you again! Shut the hell up!” Aaawwwkkkwwwaaarrrddd….

    Friday June 29, 2012:

Every day the Ice Cream Man comes in for a fill. Every day the Ice Cream Man taunts me with his luscious sugary curves. Every day the Ice Cream Man looks into my eyes and sadistically laughs at me. Well folks, today it happened. I finally caved into temptation. I’m not particularly proud of what I’ve done, but I now have to live with the repercussions. Please forgive me friends, for I have sinned….

    Friday June 29, 2012:

I’m so envious of this town. Everyone lives together just a block away and they constantly trade cars for fun. How do I know this? Well ’cause every time someone doesn’t have money or pulls up to the wrong side, they say “Oh I just live around the corner” or “Oh it’s not my car.” When will it be fun time for Rajeev? *Tear….

    Friday June 29, 2012:

Rajeev: “Damn man your cap is on so damn tight. Who the heck did this?” –> Customer, while laughing: “Dude, it was probably you!” –> Rajeev: “Oh yeah.” –> Customer 1, Rajeev 0. Oh hell. Customer 1, Rajeev -1.

    Thursday June 28, 2012:

So…ummm….I’ve been working here for what, almost 3 months now? I just had my very first Indian customer. I was really beginning to wonder whether this town produced any brown people….well, except for the ones working the 7-Eleven, Dunkin Donuts, and gas stations….

    Thursday June 28, 2012:

Rajeev to Grandpa Customer: “So, how are you today sir?” –> Customer: “Well, I was able to put my underpants on this morning so I can’t complain.” –> BEST.RESPONSE.EVER. Don’t even try to top that. You will fail in the most epic of ways.

    Thursday June 28, 2012:

So, do you guys remember the gentleman who said I looked liked I needed “this” and hands my attendant the New Testament? (Here’s the link to that doozy: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150971693857838&set=a.10150701642707838.422834.838472837&type=3&theater).

Well, the same guy came in again last night to get more propane. THIS time, he tells my attendant to pass this DVD along to me. He’s a regular propane customer and generally a nice guy, so I’ve asked my guy to just humor him.

But, come on already. Are you serious?!

    Thursday June 28, 2012:

Okay my friends, help me out here. I’m not a rocket scientist or anything, so perhaps I’m missing something. Customer comes in at 7:50pm last night. Fills $10 worth. When my attendant asks for the money, she says that she forgot her wallet at home. First, she offers her ring that she “claims” is $500. Politely, my attendant declines and asks for her license instead. She gives it to him, and says that she will be right back. Folks, it’s been 15 hours now and she has not returned. Of course I have her name, address, license plate number, and the whole ordeal on surveillance camera. I’m going to give her to close of business before escalating the issue. But, here’s where things get a tad bit fuzzy for me:

Cost of the fill: $10

Cost to go to the DMV to obtain a new license: $24 + time spent + risk of getting a cop to show up at your doorstep.

Wouldn’t it JUST be easier to come back to the station at pay us the $10?!

    Thursday June 28, 2012:

So, here’s a “Word of Mouth Feel Good” story for you early risers. Officially, the station opens at 6:00am. However, I always get there between 5:30am and 5:45am, do some quick bookkeeping, and then flip everything on. 5:35am. As I near my station, I see a big rig already sitting in the lot. Fear of losing a huge sale like this, I speed into the parking spot, jump out of my car, and sprint to the guy.

Rajeev: “I’m so sorry sir. I hope you haven’t been waiting too long.

Customer: “Actually, I’ve been here for about 45 minutes now.”

Rajeev: “Are you serious?! Damn man. Really sorry, but we don’t usually open until 5:45/6:00.”

Customer: “Oh no worries. I took a nap and woke up just a couple minutes before you pulled in. A friend of mine told me that you had the best Diesel credit price around here. I don’t have to report to work ’til 6:15 anyways. So, it’s all good.”

Left Photo: Time the trucker pulled in.
Right Photo: Time I opened up shop.

ATTENTION DIESEL DRIVERS: $3.47 Cash OR Credit Price!

    Wednesday June 27, 2012:

Top 2 Things NOT To Do at a Gas Station, #2: Drive in while eating an apple. It really does slow down the time it takes for you to properly line up to the pump, especially when others are waiting and you have to reverse one handed. And #1….Trying to light a cigarette when you’re coughing profusely and your cough is preventing you from getting that sucker lit up. Oh, and Mr. Smoker, did I mention that you’re at a GAS STATION?!

Perhaps if I pump gas while wearing a Smokey Bear costume it will drive this point home….

    Wednesday June 27, 2012:

Customer: “$3 please.” After that whopping 5 second fill, she asks “Can I get a receipt?” –> Rajeev: “You know I’m actually losing money here, right? ‘Cause paper is not that cheap.” –> Customer: “Oh I’m so sorry. Would a stick of gum make you feel better?” –> Holy shit, did I just get outwitted by a customer?! I like this one. Hope she becomes a regular….

    Wednesday June 27, 2012:

This big hardcore tattooed biker just passed by blasting Belinda Carlisle’s “Heaven Is A Place On Earth.” Not that there’s anything particularly wrong with that, but it did make me laugh….

    Tuesday June 26, 2012:

Top 7 Advantages To Owning Your Own Business vs. Working in Corporate America, #1: I can never be reprimanded for excessive internet or personal email usage. Thank God for that, otherwise I would have had to fire myself a long time ago….

    Tuesday June 26, 2012:

Dear Folks: *We are not a bank or a rest area.* Please refrain from copping an attitude with me when I tell you that I can not give you $200 in all tens and that you can not dirty my bathroom when you haven’t asked for a drop of gas. Thank you. Move along please….

    Tuesday June 26, 2012:

Rule #5.6 of Effective Driving: “Never engage in road rage when you are a couple miles from your workplace.” True story. In my former life, back when I ate lots of cookies at Nabisco, this guy cut me off and almost caused an accident. I sped up, cut him off, flipped him the bird (’cause I was a badass like that), and proceeded to launch obscenities at him even though he probably couldn’t hear any of ’em. 2 minutes go by, and we both wind up turning into the Nabisco parking lot. Paranoid that it could be a higher up who could blacklist me from ever climbing that corporate ladder, I purposely parked on the other side of the building that day so he wouldn’t be able to get a good look at me. **Now fast forward to about 15 minutes ago. I left the station to run a quick errand. As I was lining myself up, this dude cuts me off at the very last second to take the same exit. Oh boy did I get pissed. But, reminding myself of the Nabisco incident, I calmed down and just continued on. 1 minute later, he pulls into my gas station to get a fill. Road Rage – 0, Good Thinking on the Part of Rajeev – 1.

    Tuesday June 26, 2012:

To The Customer Who So Blatantly Showed Me Cleavage So That I Will Allow Her To “Borrow” $4 Of Gas Because She “Only” Lives Around The Block And She “Promises” To Come Right Back: Listen. I like breasts just as much as Colonel Sanders, but I did manage to pass Idiot School with flying colors. Please move it along. Thank you….

    Monday June 25, 2012:

Customer overhears me talking about Metallica with another customer. “Oh, you listen to that kind of music? But, you look so Indian?” –> Rajeev: “Well, in my spare time, when I’m not fixing computers or eating some curry, I do dabble in, what do the kids call it these days? Oh yeah. That rock n’ roll music. It’s quite exhilarating.” Like a deer in headlights. I don’t think she was ready for that kind of answer. But, come on. Was there REALLY any other way to respond to that?! At least I got a laugh out of the guy who I originally had the conversation with….

    Monday June 25, 2012:

I think I need a couple of those “That Was Easy” Staples buttons to put on each pump. I’m not quite sure yet how I would use them, but it just seems like it would be potentially beneficial in some fashion….

    Saturday June 23, 2012:

Customer in an SUV: “$3 please.” After a whopping 5 seconds, he hands me a $100 bill. Now, I did check it for its authenticity, but REALLY?! Dear TV Producers: I’m so coming after you pretty soon….

    Saturday June 23, 2012:

Okay okay. This is almost starting to get not funny. Almost. But, right now I’m still laughing my ass off. “The Lady and Her Jag.” Drives in from our left entrance. As soon as she starts lining up to the left side of the pump, my attendant tells her that her tank is on the other side. So, then she wrongly swings around and stops. Like a flippin’ deer in headlights. What do I do what do I do what do I do?! Apparently my attendant knows this model Jag pretty well (who knew). He explains to her that there is a gauge on her dash that shows what side her tank is on. She proceeds to move forward and then reverses to the left side of the pump. She does this in a rather rash manner, almost plowing into the guardrail. I had to scream for her to stop. She then attempts to correct herself and in the process almost takes out both my attendant and I out. We shout again to stop. Finally, she’s ready for a fill. THE END.

P.S. I’m seriously thinking about instituting a $5 surcharge for stupidity….

    Friday June 22, 2012:

Okay. I totally stand corrected. Stupid shit has happened. But, at least this time, she’s in a car, not SUV. Same story, but with an iddy biddy twist. This one did in fact drive in through the 1st entrance, but then she completely BYPASSES the left side of the pump and curls around. Once again, my attendant details to the customer on how to get out of this pickle. Then, she almost causes an accident by almost backing right into the customer leaving the station! You can’t hear the audio, but if it wasn’t for my attendant screaming, she would have caused a fender bender. She finally comes back around. And after all that, when asked to pop her tank, she opens up the trunk. Icing on the cake baby, icing on the cake….

    Friday June 22, 2012:

Customers are acting way too normal today. I think the heat has f’d up their equilibrium….

    Thursday June 21, 2012:


This guy pulled up earlier today. Old school! Dear Lord! When’s the last time you saw a soft serve truck? Banana splits, milkshakes, sundaes….on wheels! Here’s to getting fat this summer!

    Thursday June 21, 2012:

Yet again, it’s time for another scintillating episode of “How the Hell Did She Ever Get a Flippin’ Driver’s License?!” –> Video Edition.

As if my first entrance on the right hand side is imaginary, here’s yet another woman in her lovely SUV who pulls into the 2nd entrance. Completely dumbfounded as to what to do now (since her tank in on the right side), she halts. Slowly, she pulls around, where my very courteous gas attendant explains to her (with hand gestures) on how to pull up, and then pull back to the right side of the pump. Completely baffled and perhaps scared, she just drives off, WITHOUT GETTING GAS! 20 seconds after going out of sight, you will see her going down the road. This little diddy was well worth working in 100 degrees today….

    Thursday June 21, 2012:

Dear Mother Nature: You should get hot flashes more often. I’m getting sympathy tips left and right. And I haven’t even turned up the Rajeev Laxman Narayanan Signature Series Sarcastic Charm yet. You go on with your menopausal self! – Love, Rajeev.

    Thursday June 21, 2012:

Dear Air Conditioned Corporate Cubicle With Cute Little Yellow Post-It Notes All Over The Place: I miss you. You never call. You never write. Sure, we had a pretty rough falling out….twice. But, Life is too short to hold grudges. Give me a shout sometime when you’re free. K? Love ya lots. – Rajeev.

    Wednesday June 20, 2012:

Grandpa customer pulls in, asks for a fill up, and then gets out of his car to talk. “You guys need some new pumps and a little sprucing up.” –> Rajeev: “Most definitely. We’ll get it done. All in good time.” –> Customer notices the Under New Management sign. “Oh, so, you have a new manager huh? How is he?” –> Rajeev: “Well, he’s tall dark and handsome if I do say so myself. Plus, he has a fairly nice shaped head.” –> Customer looked completely puzzled for about 5 seconds, then starts laughing. “You’re the new owner, aren’t you?” –> Rajeev: “Yes sir! My name is Raj. Pleasure to me you.” –> Dollar tip successfully earned.

    Wednesday June 20, 2012:

So, naturally the topic of the morning with my customers are the extreme heat and other sorts of craziness. There’s something very “Do The Right Thing” ish about all this. I totally need to revisit that movie sometime soon…

    Wednesday June 20, 2012:


Folks, today I will experience the first of two extremities. The second one will come this winter. Wish me luck y’all….

    Tuesday June 19, 2012:

Okay. Pardon the crudeness, but this lovely tidbit HAS TO be viewed by video, not screen shot. Until I figure out how to save the surveillance footage into a format for social media upload, this will have to do. I basically took my iPhone and videoed my laptop. Anyways, here’s the backstory:

We have 2 entrances to the station on the right hand side. Instead of driving into the first one and pulling up to the left side of the pumps, she takes the 2nd entrance and then gets herself into a bit of situation. Silver SUV.

And after all this fun stuff, how much does she ask for? $5. And you people wonder why I constantly mock women in SUVs….

    Tuesday June 19, 2012:

Customer: “So, it’s the same price for credit, right?” –> Rajeev: “No ma’am it’s higher.” Meanwhile, my big ‘ol sign with the prices is staring her directly in the face. –> Customer: “Oh darn. Okay, please give me $23.35 credit then.” –> Umm, wow? Kudos to this customer for knowing EXACTLY how much she has left on her card….

    Tuesday June 19, 2012:

Customer: “$20, if it takes it. It probably won’t though.” –> Rajeev: “Sooo….you mean fill it up?” –> Customer: “Yes.” –> Dear Adorable Patrons: Why must you complicate things so early in the morning? Love, Rajeev.

    Monday June 18, 2012:


And now….time for another scintillating episode of “How the Hell Did You Ever Get a Flippin’ Driver’s License?!” –> Pictorial Edition.

1) There’s me walking to the car to let her know that she pulled up on the wrong side. Oh how I knew this was going to be a doozy.

2) There’s me telling her that just because she moved her car to the other side of the pump, it doesn’t mean that she corrected the little pickle that she got herself into.

3) Now instead of pulling forward to do a quick K turn, she decides to back that thang up. So, there’s me directing her, making sure that she doesn’t crash into my office.

4) 1 1/2 minutes later, she’s finally ready to get her tank filled.

The kicker? After all that ridiculousness, she asks for a measly $5 to be pumped into her SUV. Oooh how I love Mondays….

    Monday June 18, 2012:

Top 5 1/4 Ways That Owning Your Own Business is Different From Working in Corporate America, #3: “Your A.M. Bathroom Adventure.” In my previous life, I would run into my ‘lil cubicle, flick on the lights, turn on the computer, open up some random Excel spreadsheet with lots of cute numbers on it, spread some papers around, and then proceed to my throne. As I walked up to my front door this morning at 5:30am, just as I was about to disengage the alarm, I said to myself, “Nah that’s probably not a wise thing to do. Let the King have his moment first.” If I turned everything on and then left, boy would I have had some agitated early bird commuters….

    Saturday June 16, 2012:


OMG. Too.Many.Options. What do I choose? What do I choose? WHAT DO I CHOOSE?!

    Friday June 15, 2012:

Customer: “Let me $7.” After I fill, he asks “What do I owe?” –> Rajeev: “A pizza.” I got no response. Man, no one is appreciating my fine exquisite sarcasm today….

    Friday June 15, 2012:

MY BOOK: I’ve decided that at the 5 year mark, I will write that book. By then, I hope to have completely revamped and upgraded this place, both in the cosmetic and business sense. That’s my goal. And it won’t be just be a copy and paste of my daily posts. Instead, it will be about observing Life, through the eyes of a NJ gas station owner.

There’s been a couple of heartbreaking stories I have experienced here thus far. I have purposely kept them off Facebook, for I did not want to depress anyone. But, I think I will share those stories in my book. Those tales really puts Life into perspective….

    Friday June 15, 2012:

Customer: “I’m pretty sure I have at least $45 on this. Yeah. Fill that please.” –> Rajeev: “Well, just to be sure, let me run in and check.” 20 seconds go by. “Sir, you only have $1.22 left in your account.” –> Customer, with such a guilty look on his face: “Oh. Okay. Just give me $10 cash then.” Dear Customers Who Blatantly Suck At Trying To Scam My Gas Station: Go rot in hell. 2 months in this business is long enough to figure you scumbags out. Love, Rajeev.

    Thursday June 14, 2012:


*DISCLAIMER: I am in no way trying to insult anyone’s religion. That said….My attendant was filling this gentleman’s propane tank. I was working the pumps. Propane customer: “Your boss looks like he could use this.” –> Hmmm. Now, I’m intrigued. Exactly what “look” did I have on my face to lead this gentleman to such a conclusion?!

    Thursday June 14, 2012:


Gas Station Owner Pet Peeve #6: “Being THAT Guy.” There’s nothing more frustrating than a dude getting out of his car and angrily staring at you and the pump at an uncomfortably close distance to make sure that you’re not cheating him. You would think he would want to make it a little less obvious by entertaining my small talk. Nope. Dead.Silence. Oooh I can’t wait to retire in a few decades. On my last day, we’re going to have some real fun….

    Thursday June 14, 2012:

“Yo dawg, can I use your bathroom?” –> Rajeev: “Sorry sir, but it’s for customers only.” –> “But, I am customer.” –> Rajeev: “Dude. You’re not even in a car!” The guy turns around and walks away. Ummm…..REALLY?!

    Thursday June 14, 2012:

Customer: “Ummm, let me get $2 for now.” –> Rajeev: “Okay. So, I guess I’ll be seeing you again in 5 minutes.” She didn’t even bat an eye. I guess it’s too early for sarcasm. Oh well. I thought it was funny…

    Wednesday June 13, 2012:


Would you trust a brown man in a brand new dark PVC raincoat heading towards your car? I wouldn’t….

    Wednesday June 13, 2012:


Okay. This is the 3rd time this guy has been in here today. Asks for just $5 each time. If he comes in again, my mouth will not be able to stop itself. We’ll be forced to ask what the hell is up! To be continued. Maybe….

    Wednesday June 13, 2012:

‎6:30am Gas Station Observations, #242: I find that my customers say the terms “Hi Boss, Hello Buddy, and Yes Please” way more often than I do. I find that my customers are way more Indian than I am. Ain’t that a bitch?!

    Tuesday June 12, 2012:

The customer who ran off with the hose almost 3 weeks ago just came in for the first time since that incident. Sheepishly, he asks “So, ummm how’s the hose?” –> Rajeev: “It’s working good. No worries. But, I’m in need of a new pump. You should have just taken the whole thing with you.” –> Customer: “I’m so sorry. I’ll try harder next time.” –> Rajeev: “Good boy.”

    Tuesday June 12, 2012:


Top 4 Hilarious Objects Offered As a Substitute For Real Money, #2: Errr….”a tree stump.” Customer rolls in asking for $5 worth. Turns out that this young lad came up just a few dimes short. In exchange for this heinous disservice, he offers us a makeshift chair that we can lounge on when we don’t want to sit in the booth. Surprisingly enough? It’s actually quite comfortable….

    Tuesday June 12, 2012:

‎6:15am. Older gentleman drives in looking to fill his propane tank. Rajeev: “This is definitely the earliest anyone has ever asked for propane.” –> Customer: “Well, I want to do some breakfast grilling for my wife and I just want to make sure I don’t run out.” –> Folks, chivalry is definitely not dead today….

    Monday June 11, 2012:


Cute lil ‘ol lady drives in yesterday afternoon a bit frazzled. 2 of her tires are quite noticeably flat and she has no money on her. Quick to help a person in distress, my attendant grabs $1.50 in quarters and pumps air into her tires. Now relieved, she thanks him profusely and drives off. 2 hours later, she returns, thanks my attendant one more time, and hands him a ‘lil envelope. Station was busy at the time, and then he forgot that he had put it inside on my desk. I just asked him about the envelope, he tells this story, and then opened it up. To our surprise, a lovely note and $20 was sitting inside. Yet another example of how humanity rocks!

    Saturday June 9, 2012:

Customer drives in with a pretty new Nissan Altima. “Do you check oil here?” –> Rajeev: “Yes ma’am.” I walk in, grab a rag, and proceed to fiddle with the dipstick. “Ma’am, you don’t need oil. You’re pretty full.” –> Customer: “Are you sure? The oil light is on.” A bit intrigued, I cautiously peer into her car. “Ma’am, that’s your gas light. You need gas.” –> Customer: “Oh.” And then she DROVE AWAY. In the eloquent words of distinguished poet Carlos Mencia….”Dee Dee Dee!”

    Friday June 8, 2012:

Rajeev: “Have a good day man.” –> Customer: “You have a better one.” Damn. I think that’s the best response I’ve gotten to that. Ever. Sometimes, humanity really rocks….

    Friday June 8, 2012:


“Fill up the pickup, then I’ll drive over to the propane tank and you can load up these bad boys.” Oooh yeah I love it when customers talk dirty to me….

    Friday June 8, 2012:

Customer, older gentleman: “Let me ask you a question bro. How long have you’ve been working here? –> Rajeev: “2 months sir.” –> Customer: “Every time I come in here, you’re always laughing and smiling, treating everyone as your best friend. You got this aura about you. I like that.” –> Rajeev: “Thank you very much sir. I can certainly bitch and moan. We all have problems. But, why? Overall, I’m happy to be alive and I’m happy to be here.” –> Customer: “God Bless you son. Keep it up. And keep the change.” Customer hands me $3 tip and drives off. Good morning my friends. Happy Friday!

    Thursday June 7, 2012:


Now THAT’S a lot of donuts! How am I not 500lbs working here?!

    Thursday June 7, 2012:

Top 7 Advantages of Owning Your Own Business, #3: If you get to work early, there is actually potential to make more money. But, if you’re in Corporate America, at best you will get noticed by some higher-ups with the hope that it will lead to a promotion some day. Aaaand in somewhat related news, the Top 9 Disadvantages of Owning Your Own Business, #3: When that alarm clock goes off at 4:15am, and you really really REALLY want to fake a last minute doctor’s appointment so that you can get a few more hours of Zzzzzs….ummm….You can’t.

    Wednesday June 6, 2012:

And “The Asshole of The Day” Award goes to….The Asshole from last night! My attendant just told me this. I’m surprised it took him this long to tell me this little doozy. Customer pulls up (in an SUV mind you) and asks for $2 of gas. Credit! I’ve asked him not to accept any credit card transactions less than $5. Customer: “Well fuck off then. I only have a dollar in cash on me. Fill that.” My attendant obliged and fills the SUV a measly $1. Any other attendant would have blown up at this bitch. But, I have the right guy on my side. Cheers….

    Wednesday June 6, 2012:

Why oh why do people treat gas station pricing as something that is negotiable?! 2 separate instances just occurred within 10 minutes of one another. #1: Customer pulls in. “The other day, my buddy told me that he saw gas for $3.11. I shouldn’t have to pay this. You should be giving me that price.” #2: Customer drives up to our propane filler. “A couple towns over, I saw a place that’s selling propane for $16. Can I get that price?” Oh. I’m so sorry. But, you guys must have me mistaken for a retail store that has a Price Match Guarantee. This is a gas station. And right now, you’re causing me to have a lot of gas….

    Wednesday June 6, 2012:

Customer: “$20. That fucken Romney. He has no balls. Talking shit behind Obama’s back. Have some guts and say it to his face. Oh my god.” Ummm, with the utmost of seriousness folks, all I said was “Good morning sir, what can I get you?” Wow. I guess he really needed to vent. I’m just glad I was there to assist before he exploded….

    Wednesday June 6, 2012:

Customer: “I got $4 here, let me see what’s in my wallet.” –> Rajeev: “Dust?” After taking a few seconds to compose himself from laughing hysterically, he responds “Damn man. I’m coming here from now on!” – Rajeev and Sarcasm 1, Silence 0.

    Wednesday June 6, 2012:


Customer: “Fill it up man.” Then I hear a faint scream from behind me. “And mine too!” Ladies and Gentlemen, kindly insert heavenly music here –>

    Wednesday June 6, 2012:

About an hour ago. Customer overhears me laughing and carrying a conversation with a guy on the other side. I finish up with him and walk over to check on her car. As I’m approaching, she quickly shuts her window. Wow. Lady, if your day has already gone that wrong and it’s only 6:15am, we’re going to have to stage some sort of intervention….

    Tuesday June 5, 2012:

Holy crap, I can’t believe I forgot to post this earlier. I guess it slipped my mind, considering it happened at around 5:40am this morning. Rajeev: “So, how are you today sir?” –> Customer: “I can’t complain. Well I can, but do you really want to hear it?” –> Rajeev: “Umm, not particularly no.” –> Customer, while laughing: “Exactly!” Wow. My ‘small talk’ just got schooled. Customer 1, Rajeev 0.

    Tuesday June 5, 2012:

So, apparently whenever my attendant’s left eye twitches, he feels lucky and plays the lottery. This is the third day in a row that he’s won over $30. Tomorrow, I’m thinking about pepper spraying him to keep this winning streak alive….

    Tuesday June 5, 2012:

Gas R E A L L Y needs to get out of the $3 range. I’m running out of 3s for my two signs #gasstationownerproblems

    Tuesday June 5, 2012:

So today is apparently “$100 Bill Day.” 6 people already came in with one, and I’ve only been open for 3 hours now. Totally wiping me out of small bills. I hope the next guy doesn’t mind getting paid with sarcasm. I got plenty of them shits….

    Tuesday June 5, 2012:

Today is my 2 month anniversary of going into business for myself. I celebrate by wearing the same apparel I did back on April 5th: My winter coat and skully. Stay hip and spontaneous Mother Nature….

    Monday June 4, 2012:

Once again, a customer pulls up to the pump on the wrong side. “Ma’am, you’re going to have to turn around. Your tank is on the other side of the car.” Customer: “Well, I’m a woman driver, so what do you expect?!” Wow. While I am well aware of that fact, it was the first time I’ve heard it right from the source. Admittance is the first step to recovery ladies….

    Saturday June 2, 2012:


So, what do you do when there’s a ‘lil lull at the station? Why chase the random balloon that flew in of course. Ahhh. Minutes upon minutes of pure excitement folks….

    Friday June 1, 2012:


What in the living hell is this?! It just flew into my office to pay me a visit.

    Friday June 1, 2012:


Woo hoo! Currently the Most.Secure.Gas.Station.Ever. Cop camped out catching speeders.

    Friday June 1, 2012:

So umm….apparently I have a pesky pain-in-the-ass gnome that lives inside my cute lil credit card machine thingy that let’s out a big high pitched sadistic laugh whenever I swipe someone’s card causing one’s account to automatically drain to 0 all while singing Cumbayá as she wets herself. Dear Customer: There’s nothing wrong with my machine. Please stop blaming her for your lack of funds. Shanaynay has feelings too. Thank you.

    Friday June 1, 2012:

Obnoxious Occurrences at a Gas Station, #693: Customer cops an attitude after you ask her to repeat herself. If she would lower her window by more than just a smidgen, we wouldn’t be in such a pickle now would we?

    Friday June 1, 2012:

I just saw a Honda Fit go by with a tow hitch. What’s it going to haul, a flippin’ Micro Machine?!

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