March 2015

Sunday March 29, 2015:
A cute elderly gentleman pulls in. Very sweet and innocent looking.

“Just $5. This is my wife’s car. Fuck her!”

This happened 15 minutes ago and I haven’t stopped laughing.

“Marriage.” Wooooo….

Sunday March 29, 2015:
Customer comes in for gas and then hands the money to his son. Could not have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

“Here ya go Nigga!”

Two things I’ve learned from this experience.

1. Education begins at home.

2. Some folks should not be allowed to reproduce.

If my kid ever talked to an adult that way, I’d slap the everlasting shit out of him. And I wouldn’t even feel bad about it….

Sunday March 22, 2015:

Ever complain about the dumbest shit and then look back and feel like such an ungrateful bastard?

Well, don’t feel so bad. This guy has you beat.

A customer comes in for a fill.

“Man, I have to drive all the way to upstate New York today. Sucks. That ride is brutal.”

“Yeah. That’s a hike from Toms River. What do you have going on up there?”

“I have to do some training with my racehorse.”


Sunday March 15, 2015:
“The Seasonal Racist.”

I shit you not. This just happened.

A guy pulls up to the pump and pulls out his kerosene can.

“Sorry Sir, but we’re out of kerosene. We’re done for the season.”

“Fuck you you piece of shit! Fucking Indians!”

He violently throws his kerosene can into the bed of his pickup and takes off.

I suppose if I was a white guy named Cleetus, he would have let me explain a couple of economic principles.

There’s a cost to holding inventory. There is also a minimum order quantity associated with replenishment. It is now March 15th. I just don’t have that kind of capital to tie up until the Fall. And looking at my books, kerosene sales usually drop out come the 1st of March.

Yes. I understand that at night it will drop into the 30s this week. But, sorry. I did my analysis a few weeks ago. It was not a wise business decision to restock for the at best 2 or 3 customers that will come in during the month of March.

Fun times….

Sunday March 8, 2015:
“Your interior is the most relevant. Your exterior is secondary. And what other people think should be inconsequential.”

I work in a gas station. Obviously. Very rarely do conversations turn philosophical. So, when they do they really stick with me.

A family breaks down on the Parkway and gets towed in here. They had to wait for a friend to come pick them up. Having a baby with them, I asked that they please join me inside in the heat. Then, a spirited debate ensued.

“I have to get my hair did.”

“You don’t have time for that anymore. We’re going to be late for church.”

“God will understand. He would want me to look presentable.”

“That’s not important.”

In the end, I do believe they went straight to church when they left here.
How often do we find ourselves judging others without knowing their back story? To some degree, I think we’re all guilty of doing that.

A person’s home. Their car. Their clothes. We make assumptions based on what we see. Meanwhile, we are not privy to their history or what they are really all about.

When this family steps into church, someone will think to themselves, “They are so disheveled. Why did they even bother?!”

Do you know why? Because they felt the connection in their hearts. I like that.

You can’t please everyone. Societal judges will always exist. Just do what you feel is right….

Sunday March 1, 2015:
“De-icing Karma.”

A customer pulls in with a ridiculous amount of snow/ice on his car.

“You may want to remove that man. It’s dangerous to drive like that.”

“You may want to mind your own business!”

He then pops the trunk to get something.

10 seconds later, all the ice and snow slips through the gap between the car and the trunk lid and drenches his bag of groceries.

If there was ever an award given to the guy who best held in his laughter, I’d be the proud recipient….

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