November 2012

Friday November 30, 2012:

A lot of behind the scenes lack of communication and unknowns going on. All pertaining to the gas station. Very stressed out. Not exactly how I envisioned my Friday night going. Never a dull moment being a business owner.

But, I have to tell you what was my saving grace — As a token of appreciation for the turkey and fixings I gave him, Singh cooked me some homemade chicken curry. Let me tell ya something folks. Sikhs know their way around spices and poultry. Total awesomeness. I love this guy. Greatest.Employee.Ever. Someone’s getting a nice bonus at the end of the year….

Friday November 30, 2012:

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Do I know how to rock a Friday night or what? Don’t be jealous….

Friday November 30, 2012:

The only drawback to owning your own business — Even when you’re home, you’re working. But, it’s almost scotch time and my Excel skills actually do get better with every sip so….

Friday November 30, 2012:

Never underestimate the superior excellence of warming your hands on an overheating laptop….

Thursday November 29, 2012:

“What’s good in theory is not necessarily what’s good in reality.” – Raj Narayanan.

A representative from the town council hand delivered this letter to the station yesterday. I had already left for the day. I saw it laying on my desk when I got here earlier this morning.

A couple weeks back I spoke on this issue. Ideally in fairy tale land, every station will have a backup generator, every terminal will be dry and able to make fuel deliveries, and we will all live lavishly bathing in $100 bills.

WELCOME TO REAL LIFE. Only 7 months in, loan to be paid back, very small operation, fixer upper. I don’t have the capital to invest in such a thing. And now it looks like I will be made to?

Until you step into the shoes of a business owner, you won’t completely get it.

Convenience comes at a high price….

2 interesting things here. #1, There’s only 2 gas stations in South Toms River, myself and the Citgo across the street. My guess is that Toms River is planning such an ordinance so South Toms River is following suit. #2, and more importantly, NEITHER I OR CITGO LOST POWER DURING THE HURRICANE!! We ran out of gas. That was the problem. Deliveries weren’t coming in. We sold out in 1 day what I usually do in 5. Then I had to cone off.

You guys better believe I will be at this meeting and you better believe I will be drafting a letter. Writing is what I do best. They won’t know what hit ’em….

Wednesday November 28, 2012:

“Are You Really That Ridiculous?!” By a Cold Brown Man.

Folks? I get it. It’s a wee bit frigid outside. In fact, it’s been getting kinda lonely on the bay. These days, most of you are keeping your windows closed during the duration of your fill. All I’m left with then are my frozen toes and my thoughts. I’ve come to accept that though. It is what it is.

However, with you not opening your window AT ALL, how the hell do you expect me to hear how much gas you want?!

Click over and watch this monstrosity. Times like this I wish I had a mic attached to me. This woman is violently screaming through her window and I can’t understand a bloody thing.

Rajeev: “Ma’am, open window! I can’t hear you!”

Finally, she cracked her door, only a smidgen, but enough to bark “$10” at me (I think I put too many commas in that sentence).

I wish it was possible to freeze rudeness and let it thaw out oh I don’t know say maybe next April?

Tuesday November 27, 2012:

Now, I don’t care what kind of man you think you are. That initial point of contact when you sit down on the bowl in a completely unheated bathroom? Oh Lordy, it’s a doozy….

Tuesday November 27, 2012:

Customer drives in asking for $4 worth.

Rajeev: “You know with the nasty weather coming today, they say there might be another gas shortage.”

Customer: “Yeah? Alright. Give me 10 bucks.”

And you people say lying is a bad thing….

Saturday November 24, 2012:

Dear Sir: Just because you don’t like the price of my kerosene, that doesn’t mean I’m price gouging you ignoramus. Kindly stop arguing with me and move it along. – Love, Rajeev.

Saturday November 24, 2012:

Pump repaired. Gas delivery came on time. Back to normal operations. Today is going to be a good day….

Friday November 23, 2012:

Anyone who has been to my place knows how ancient the Diesel pump is. Yet, it has given me the ‘least’ amount of issues. At 12:30pm today, 1 out of our 2 gas pumps decided to stop working. Both sides. It’s a long weekend. No one is coming out today. Luckily, I have a repair guy on speed dial who has taken a liking to me and will be out tomorrow morning to investigate. For now, we enter logistical nightmare land. Unfortunate incident to an otherwise smooth week.

My gas pumps themselves are at least 25 years old, so that diesel beast is probably 40? It’s all mechanical. Not much electronics going on there. Therefore, it’s far more reliable.

So, let me throw this out there. The more technology we put into a device, the more chances of it malfunctioning. As humans, will we ever stop? Will we ever be satisfied?

Friday November 23, 2012:

BLACK FRIDAY SPECIAL! You fill up more than 4 dollars and I won’t make fun of you on the internet. I don’t know. I think that’s a deal of a lifetime. Good morning my friends!

Wednesday November 21, 2012:

“Flannel Is Our Friend” By, Raj Narayanan.

I am proud to announce that in a sea of shameful creatures, good folks still exist. Since day one, I’ve told Singh that we’re bringing back good customer service to the gas station world. So, we both make it a point to talk to our customers. One in particular has befriended him over the last few weeks.

Just a ‘lil while ago, he comes in for a fill and hands Singh a plastic bag.

Singh: “What’s this?”

Customer: “It’s a brand new flannel jacket. It’ll keep you warm. Temps are going to be dropping fast soon. Have a nice day.”

Humanity still rocks. Awesome….

Wednesday November 21, 2012:

I’ve just made the decision take my very first vacation day since entering the world of gassy entrepreneurship 7 months ago. Singh will work first shift tomorrow and close up shop in and around the start of 2nd shift.

Sometimes, it’s nice to be the Executive Assistant to The Executive VP of Pencil Sharpening…

Wednesday November 21, 2012:

Oh Hi kids! What do you normally do the day before Thanksgiving? I run after people who give me $3 on a $4 fill. Half way down the street. Never a dull moment here at The Delta….

Wednesday November 21, 2012:

You don’t know ‘cool’ until you BLAST rap music through shitty ass speakers while filling air in your shitty ass tires….obviously….

Wednesday November 21, 2012:

Customer strolls in wanting $10 worth. He then rudely barks an order at me.

“Give me a receipt!”

Rajeev: “Give me an adverb.”

Customer: “A what?!”

Rajeev: “An adverb. You know like Please, Kindly, or Graciously. We tend to enjoy words like that.”

‘Tis The Season to give etiquette lessons folks….

Tuesday November 20, 2012:

“Ignorant Degenerate Bastard Who I Wish Evil Things Upon” By, The Angry Brown Man.

Honestly, this kind of bullshit really gets under my skin. Nothing but careless acts of ridiculousness. The video doesn’t even do it justice. This Ignant drove in so fucken fast it turned all our heads. He came ‘this’ close to plowing the kerosene pump. All for what? To fill up air in his tires.

What if a car drove in from the other entrance at the exact same time? What if a person happen to step onto that side of the pumps?

I snapped. “What the fuck is your problem?! Slow the fuck down!” He just gave me an arrogant smile and went about his business.

If I ever raise a kid to be that stupid, someone please shoot me….

Tuesday November 20, 2012:

Customer pulls up in a Cadillac Escalade.

“$2.” Three seconds later. “Make it $3.”

Rajeev: “Well sir I’m glad you decided to leave my gas station.”

Customer says nothing. Either he didn’t get it, or he didn’t appreciate it. Either way, I thought it was mildly humorous….

Tuesday November 20, 2012:

Customer: “Umm fill it up please.”

Girlfriend: “No! $10.”

Customer: “Sorry. $10 credit.”

Girlfriend: “CASH!!”

Rajeev: “No problem Miss.”

Huh….Since when did they start making panties for men?

Monday November 19, 2012:

2 customers ask for credit at the same time. One for $20, the other for $30. Multitasking Rajeever runs in, swipes both cards, and attaches both merchant receipts to thee ‘ol trusty clipboard. I approach the first customer.

Rajeev: “Sign the right one please.”

Customer begins signing the left one.

Rajeev: “No Sir, the right one.”

Customer: “Oh what the hell?! Yer confusing me with all these receipts.”

Folks, this guy is a general contractor. My advice is to not hire him to build your house. Your toilet may wind up on the back deck….

Friday November 16, 2012:

Hell yeah. Can’t believe one of these 80s El Caminos are still on the road. Been a while since I’ve seen one. So, since it’s at least 25 years old, it’s now considered historic/classic, correct?

Thursday November 15, 2012:

To all those who think that gas station owners should be required by law to purchase a generator: Take one step into the entrepreneurial world, learn just how costly it is to run this business, and then come to talk to me. The amount of overheard would shock you. If you crunch the numbers, it’s more economical for me to just remain shut down for a few days. Sorry you were inconvenienced. But, the reality is that if New Jersey were to put this law into effect say next week, I’d have to declare bankruptcy and crawl back into my ‘lil hole. I just don’t have the cash flow to cover that cost….

Thursday November 15, 2012:

Diesel for Donuts? I think that’s a fair trade….

Thursday November 15, 2012:

Oh hey kids. Why use an ATM or an 800 number to see how much money (if any) you have in your checking account when you have a gas attendant?! Oh how irresponsibly ridiculous. One day, when a customer asks me to check their balance, I’m going to say No just to see their reaction….

In all seriousness, this kind of carelessness is quite disturbing. I don’t care if you only have a penny in your account. You should KNOW that you only have a penny in your account.

One’s educational and financial level should not have an impact on simple common sense. We all come from different backgrounds. Some are more well off than others. That’s just the way the world works. Regardless, everyone has access to an ATM and a toll free number. It absolutely blows my mind how some of these people live, not knowing how much money they actual have in the bank or how much is left on their credit cards.

If you can’t perform basic life tasks, you have no right to bitch about any lack of government assistance….

Wednesday November 14, 2012:

As you can tell folks, Singh and Dave’s conversation was quite stimulating….

Wednesday November 14, 2012:

‎”Chuckling Doesn’t Make It Any Less Racist” By An Illegal Alien….Apparently.

Customer comes in and asks for $10 worth. He steps out of the car as I begin pumping. Placing his hand on the hose, he lets out a huge question mark of a sigh.

“Are you sure there’s gas pumping? I don’t feel a thing.” And then in a laughing tone, “You people always try to pull a fast one on Americans.”

Rajeev: “Well sir, do you see that blue circular sticker on the pump? That’s from the NJ Office of Weights & Measures. Do you see what year is punched out on the sticker? 2012. That means that this pump although old is perfectly calibrated and dispensing gas just fine. And by the way, I’m an American citizen born and raised living in New Jersey. It’s a shame you hold prejudice against people you don’t even know. One day it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. Have a nice day.”

I walk back into the office without even looking at his expression.

If this ignoramus has offspring, I weep for their future….

Tuesday November 13, 2012:

No one eats a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats more hardcore than Rajeev Laxman Narayanan. Thug 4 Life….

Tuesday November 13, 2012:

Tuesday Morning Questionnaire: How many NJ residents tip their gas attendants on the regular?

I’m quite intrigued by this gesture. Whenever an out-of-stater rolls in here, 9 times out of 10 we get a dollar tip. I guess they are so grateful that someone else is pumping that they open up their wallets a ‘lil more.

I gotta be straight up honest folks. I’ve never tipped my gas attendants. For those close to me, you can know that I’m not a stingy guy. I guess the whole concept never really entered my brain. And in retrospect, I kinda regret it. We regularly tip waiters, bartenders, food delivery people. Why not gas attendants?

Not really sure where I’m going with all this, but just curious to know what your tipping habit are….

Saturday November 10, 2012:

Customer pulls up in a work truck. “$50 and receipt. And a pen.”

Rajeev: “Sorry, I don’t have a pen.”

Customer: “Quit playing. I know you have a mothafuckin pen.”

Rajeev: “If you want to cheat your boss Sir, you’ll have to do it by the stroke of your own pen. Sorry. House rules.”

I’m totally in the wrong profession….

Saturday November 10, 2012:

‎”$10 please. And can I get a receipt? My wife won’t believe me otherwise. She’ll think I spent the money elsewhere.”

Folks, you see? You see that marriage right there? It’s going places….

Friday November 9, 2012:

What? Ya think you’re patriotic?! You don’t know patriotic. What? Oh, I’m not talking about all the flags. I’m referring to the half-nekked magazine cutouts he draped all over the windows….and oh and Spider Man….He’s all American….

Friday November 9, 2012:

So, I finally had to macramed a pair of these bad boys. It was getting to be about that time….

Friday November 9, 2012:

I ain’t gonna lie. As temps continue to drop in the coming weeks, these under $7 fills are really going to annoy the shit out of me….

Thursday November 8, 2012:

Power has been restored at the lovely Delta Gas Station. Of course I’m already back home. But, no worries. The very sexy Mr. Singh will be happy to fill your tanks of gas, propane, or kerosene….

Thursday November 8, 2012:

So, The Division of Consumer Affairs made a surprise visit last night to check area gas stations for price gouging. Happy to report that my $3.54 is perfectly within reason considering the circumstances. Further evidence that I’m not ‘always’ an asshole….

Thursday November 8, 2012:

Sitting here not pumping gas eating cereal for lunch ’cause without power the milk will turn into that funky stuff most of us hate. Don’t be jealous….

Thursday November 8, 2012:

Well, looks like I get to go back to sleep for a little while. No power at the station….

Why rush to shovel my driveway, drive 40 minutes, then rush to shovel the station if I can’t pump? Back to bed to catch a few more Zzzzzs….

Wednesday November 7, 2012:

Oh hey kids, did you hear? It’s “Bring Your Snow Shovel To Work Day” Tomorrow. My baby’s first snowfall. *Tear….

Wednesday November 7, 2012:

I always enjoy looking up the stats to my blog site: https://blameitoneugene.com/tales-from-the-pumps. Apparently, someone searched “biased brown men’s wallet” and landed on my page. Ummm….okay….

Wednesday November 7, 2012:

Rajeev: “Are you ready for Round 2, Sir?”

Customer: “The White Man. He brings it. He brings all the storms and hurricanes to us. Helps create jobs for other White people.”

Well ooookkkkaaaayyyy….

Tuesday November 6, 2012:

“Fueling Fiction” By, Veejar Namxal Nanayaran.

So, 4 of the businesses in this ‘lil area (Me, All American Deli, Citgo, 7-Eleven) have become quite friendly over time. Between the owners and employees, we’re all kinda like one big entrepreneurial family. So, we talk whenever we hear absurd commentary.

I was just informed that a customer of Citgo told the attendant that I got ticketed for pumping Regular and charging the Super price, when customers ask for Super.

Hmmm. Interesting. #1, being the OWNER of this business, you would think I would be informed of such a violation. #2, and most importantly, we only sell Regular & Diesel at this station! No Plus or Premium (yet).

Folks, remember earlier on I expressed my concern about escalating the issue of cheating customers ’cause I didn’t want the ignorant to make false assumptions? Well, Dave here has been working on a South Toms River cop car over the last few days. Seeing the Charger in our lot, I bet this young customer decided to start spreading rumors about us. Why? I have no idea.

Welcome to the daily nonsense that we deal with here at The Delta….

Monday November 5, 2012:

Umm apparently someone was so excited that we finally got gas that they stripped butt nekked and went streaking. Last time I go to lunch….

Monday November 5, 2012:

AS OF 10:45am, WE ARE OFFICIALLY BACK AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC. Ocean County is not part of the odd/even license plate rule. So, come on down!

P.S. Anyone who comes through will be getting Sunoco Gas that came from the Philadelphia Terminal. Hopefully the Jersey ones will be up and running this week….

Sunday November 4, 2012:

I’m getting gas! I’m getting gas! I’m getting gas! Holy shit I love technology! Holy shit is it going to be an insane day tomorrow!

Sunday November 4, 2012:

Sitting here wondering when that tanker truck will show up. Takes me back to when I was a ‘lil schoolgirl waiting by the phone, wondering if he would call….

Saturday November 3, 2012:

“Are You Kidding Me With This?” By I Need Gas Already Narayanan

Orange cones. In ice cream truck form, it means Go. It means lick away and enjoy. But, orange cones in front of an entrance to an establishment? That means Don’t Go. You’re not collecting $200 today Ma’am.

As if she’s literally driving with her eyes closed, this woman pulls in, RUNS OVER the cone and has the audacity to honk at me.

“Ma’am, you just ran over my cone!”

Woman: “Do you have gas?”

Rajeev: “Are you kidding with this?!”

I walk past her and put the cone back up.

Welcome to my world Ladies & Gentlemen….

Saturday November 3, 2012:

‎”I Struck Gold!” By Is This Really Happening Narayanan.

As you can see, the entrances are coned off. And although the left side of the pump is not, the right side is. Customer very nonchalantly pulls in and stops. The cones are staring her in the face. Cone schmone. She leisurely backs up and positions herself to the pump. I’m in the office keeping my head down ’cause I’m just laughing to damn hard.

A few moments pass by. She steps out of the car and proceeds to walk towards the office. As she was about to open my door, she sees the big ‘ol sign on the window, “NOT OPEN.” She goes back to her car, squeezes out through the cones, and gets in line to get gas at the Citgo across the street.

Now I ask ya folks. The entire state has to wait up to several hours for fuel. Did she really think she struck gold?!

Saturday November 3, 2012:

If I may throw this out there: I hope this fuel frenzy has made you appreciate the Brand X guys like me. For those of you who were able to fill at my station this past week, you received BP Gasoline. The big guys are nothing but smoke and mirrors and effective marketing. In the end, we pump out the same stuff.

I may be a fixer upper, but you will always receive top notch gas and sarcasm here at the Delta….

Now, can a brown man get a tanker truck already?! Singh is starting to lose his mind by not working….

Saturday November 3, 2012:

GAS: To my Toms River/South Toms River friends: My buddy CITGO across the street from me was lucky enough to get a truckload from the Philadelphia terminal. Tanker is there now. Lines have already begun. Just an FYI. Get here quickly before those lines get out of control.

Friday November 2, 2012:

When the Parkway finally reopened on Tuesday, I shot down to the station as fast as I could. As soon as folks saw my car, they poured in. As you know, the booth was uprooted and lying on the bay all mangled.

“Alright folks. You want gas? Please get out of your cars and help me get this back up!”

Even before finishing my sentence I had a million volunteers! Here’s the screenshot of that moment….

Thursday November 1, 2012:

I’d like to dispel a myth right now. I did NOT make a killing off the hurricane. All I did was make my normal week’s worth of revenue in one day. Had I been restocked immediately without any disruption of business, then yes I would have been a little ahead. However, with no fuel delivery, it turned out to be just a normal financial work week. And if I don’t get gas soon, I will be actually losing money.

Now, legally I could have increased my prices by 10% (to $3.81). But, you know what? I’m not an asshole. I have heart. I have compassion. I like to sleep peacefully at night. I kept my price at $3.46 (which is on the cheaper end for the township of Toms River) and helped out as many folks as I could.

That is who Rajeev Laxman Narayanan truly is….

Thursday November 1, 2012:

Car pulls in after seeing me pump even though we are coned off.

Rajeev: “Sorry, but we are closed.”

Car: “Sure looks like you have gas.”

Rajeev: “I’m sorry, but this is my car. I have to take care of my close ones.”

Car: “You don’t belong here anyway. Go back to your own country.”

Now folks, normally I would just brush off a remark like that, but since it came from a GRANDMA it made me that much more pissed off. Not sure why. Think it was more of the shock factor. Oh Lord, forgive me for blasting an elder, but she deserved it.

“I was born and raised in New Jersey you fucken bitch! I am an American citizen just like you. Get the hell out of my station!”

And with that, we’ve now sunk to those levels. It’s getting ugly out here….

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